Dublin, Room 3 and the Fishy Bitches

Sounds like the name of a rock band? Perhaps something more sinister? Or something more ridiculous? Read on!

I was reading the newspaper the other day – a habit that I am considering stopping so I don’t get too inconsolable about the future – and there was a brief article about how hard it is to make friends when you are over 60. It was worth a read for me because I couldn’t see any reference to politics, tariffs or “he who shall not be named”. And of course, I am over 60!

It held my attention. The author posited a few realities that explained why finding new friends is more challenging as we age.

Major life changes like retirement or divorce complicate things. If you retire, you no longer have the continued connection with work colleagues that you had while you were working. Divorce? That’s a whole nuther ball of wax. You may remain friends with your former partner, and if you’re lucky, shared friends won’t take sides. But suddenly, you are single and that often becomes awkward when groups of couples get together.

Geography can also be a factor. You might move to be closer to your family, which changes your personal community drastically. Or your friends/family might move, and that, too, impacts your community.

And perhaps the biggest challenge is time and effort. You spent your life making friends, and because of whatever changes that are noted above, it becomes hard work to make new ones.

But then, things happen. Like Dublin, Room 3 and the Fishy Bitches!

Dublin? Julie, Jane and I were traveling to Scotland a few years ago. The 3 of us share a house in Cape Breton, are firm friends despite different postal codes, and travel together whenever possible. We flew from our respective home bases, landed safely in Dublin, and then our travel adventures got overhauled. The airline had to cancel our flights to Edinburgh but ensured that we would end up there in the not too distant future. Because of the way we’d booked our tickets, Julie was able to wait in Dublin, but Jane and I had to grab our bags and get on a flight to Heathrow before making it to Edinburgh. 

As we raced to get our bags, there was a lone woman standing near the carousel who was clearly in the same boat as we were. We ended up chatting (if you know me, you know that’s entirely possible), and by the time the three of us boarded our next flight, we were making plans to share a meal at the next airport. And 6 hours later, a meal and a long walk throughout Heathrow, Gisela and I realized we were going to be friends beyond our travel adventures. Biking, hiking and long dog walks have been the result, and we continually remind each other how valuable that stopover in Dubin was!

Then there’s Room 3. I wrote about the Tune Room Fiddle Camp earlier this summer, so if you keep up with my musings, you’ll have learned what an incredible experience it was – I got to meet the very people I see on the Zoom screen in real life!

Sharing a passion like fiddle music and learning to play this wild instrument is one thing. But finding a resonance of the heart? That is something entirely different.

From the first night, Katya and Jess joined Eleanor and me in our room at the Lighthouse and Beach Motel near Sheep Pond Beach. Jess lives in downtown Toronto, Eleanor and I up near Orangeville, and Katya lives in southern England! But Jess and Kat went to university together and have remained friends since, and Kat, Eleanor and I connected over Tim Chaisson’s Tune Room, and it only made sense to be friends. Then Brittany, from New Orleans, joined us on night 2, and Room 3 became the jamming spot after a day of learning, dancing, eating and laughing.

One thing of interest to note: This group from Room 3 represents a few different age categories. Eleanor and I are well seasoned, so to speak, and are old enough to have children who have children. Katya and Jess are a generation or two younger, and their kids are still in school. And Brittany is single, though engaged and who knows whether children will be on the horizon.

But it didn’t matter at all – we found connection in the magic of music, shared delight in the world and whatever else drew us together.

Then there were the Fishy Bitches. Not your average rock group, I must let you know.  

It was Mitchell and Alyssa’s wedding in September, and I didn’t think I’d know anyone there….except Mitchell and Alyssa, of course. But as luck would have it, I met Lori as we were waiting for things to start, because she was telling another woman that she’d met Mitchell at a fly-fishing event. So naturally I went over and introduced myself….as another disciple of Mitchell’s!

After the ceremony (where I was the officiant – don’t ask, that deserves its own story), Sarah, a woman I’d met ever so briefly when Mitchell was doing a teaching session in June, gave me a quick hug and we walked up to the reception together. But on the way up, another young woman introduced herself to me as Gioia, someone Mitchell always talks about. And when we arrived at the reception, we found we’d been seated together – the 4 women who fish!

Sarah, who’s life had recently been “restructured”; Lori, who’s partner didn’t accompany her for reasons not to be discussed here; Gioia, a mom of twin toddlers who had a night on her own, and me, who thought she’d be sitting alone….we bonded in moments and became the Fishy Bitches before we even knew it!

What draws people together? What connection makes for friendship that you are confident will last?

Mel Robbins, an American author and podcaster, posits that it is proximity, timing and energy that form the 3 pillars of friendship.

Proximity is a biggy – to see people and to be around them, makes for real friendship opportunities. Gisela and I were stuck in an airport for a long time, and the Fishy Bitches connected in one place, suddenly and wonderfully being thrown together. And the Room 3 gang found proximity in Room 3, of course.

Timing? Well, Mitchell and Alyssa’s wedding made for the perfect timing to bring 4 female anglers together. And being stuck in any airport with someone makes for unique timing. And Room 3? We had all purposefully traveled to PEI for a particular music camp…timing was everything.

And then there’s energy. I could get all woo woo here – energy is difficult to define and categorize. But the energy that we each exude in times of joy, stress, activity, whatever – if there is a common energy and a willingness to explore that energy, then friendship is possible.

I must argue with the author who said that it is difficult to make friends when you are over 60. I contend that friends can be made at any age, if you are open to it. Ignore your age, ignore your location and just open up your heart to possibility. Friends are right in front of you – maybe in the airport, or the hotel room, or even a wedding.